A Beginner's Guide to Anal Play

With the release of Tristan Taormino's House Of Ass, it seems like butt-sex is on everybody's mind. Curious what all the fuss is about? Wild Hearts is glad to bring you the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of anal play.

Who: You, and maybe a willing partner! There's a popular misconception that only gay men enjoy anal sex. Straight women write in to advice columns, worried that their butt-sex loving boyfriend must be a closeted homosexual. For many lesbians anal play is "no way". While it's true that many gay men realize the joys of anal play early on, just about anyone can enjoy anal sex. The reason? The anus is packed with nerve endings. The outer rectum has its fair share of nerve endings as well, and the feeling of pressure, fullness, and the stretching of the sphincter muscles makes anal play a possibility for… well, anyone who had an anus! In fact, since the release of Bend Over Boyfriend, we've seen a big increase in the number of straight couples who come in to shop for a strap-on, so she can do him up the butt and naturally, we are THRILLED to oblige!

What: Actual anal penitration is not the only form of anal play, nor is it the most popular. Think about it: if you've never had something in there before, do you really want an average-sized dildo to be your first attempt? There are lots of ways to play around in that area. A finger or two is a good way to start (your own or a partners), by massaging the area and maybe inserting a fingertip. Butt plugs are a great way to introduce anal play without necessarily making it the focus of the session, because they go in and stay in while you do other things. Oral-anal sex, often called analingus, rimming, or tossing someone's salad, is also very popular and can feel amazing. We recommend using a product such as Crazy Girl Anal Eaze, to help relieve your tension.

Where: Any state in the union, since the 2003 United States Supreme Court decision that abolished sodomy laws! Beyond that: someplace where you can position yourself comfortably. Take all the possible positions into consideration: bent over the furniture, on your back, on your stomach, on your hands and knees, or sitting on your partner's lap. If you're worried about getting lube on the furniture, keep a spare “play-sheet” to toss over it before hand.

When: For your first anal experience, alone or with a partner, be sure to set aside a good chunk of time. Also, if you're playing with someone else, have a conversation about it before hand and outside the bedroom. This isn't the sort of thing you want to spring on someone when you've got to be at a doctor's appointment in an hour!

Why: To spice things up. To try something new and exciting. Because it's “taboo”. Because you've always wanted to and never had the nerve. Because your best friend tried it an loved it. To push your boundaries. Because it can feel damn good!

How: Ah, the most important question. Here are our tips to help you successfully enter the world of anal play!

• Clean up. Move your bowels before hand, and wash up well. Some people insist on taking an enema a few hours to a day before hand. If you're anxious about the presence of fecal matter, a warm-water anal douche before playing can relieve that anxiety. For some, the douching itself is incredibly sexy!
• Relax and get in the mood. Especially if you're a little nervous (and who isn't the first time they try something new in the bedroom?), it's important not to expect to jump right into the anal play. Whether by yourself or with a partner, get going just like you always do, whether that's by watching a sexy movie, lighting some candles, or pulling out your favorite vibrator.
• Use lube! Unlike the vagina, which produces its own lubrication, the rectum only produces a small amount of mucous. Adding lube is the best way to make your anal experience a pleasant one. If you're using condoms definitely use either a water-based or silicone lubricant, because oil-based lubes break down latex. Silicone lubes are a great choice, because they stay slippery for a long time.
• Play safe. It is very important to only put toys with flared bases into the anus. Without the flared base, anything you put there could disappear inside of you &mdash and you don't want to be that woman in the emergency room! Using condoms over a dildo is a great way to reduce clean up. It's also a must if you want to switch partners or orifices later on. Try color coding your condoms by orifice or partner, or both: blue for anal, pink for vaginal, or red for her and green for you. Remember to switch condoms whenever you switch partners or orifices. Oral anal sex can be a great addition to your sex life, but STIs like herpes can be passed this way; to avoid them, use a dental dam (a thin sheet of latex that can be spread over the anus during analingus).
• Start small. Remember than anal play should never hurt. Use a finger, a butt plug, graduated anal beads, or a small dildo, and lube it up well. Play with the sensation, find out if you like an in-and-out motion or the feeling of fullness, or both. Don't limit yourself to anal play only &mdash play with your clitoris and your vagina too, or have your partner do it. Having a dildo in your vagina and anus at the same time can be an over the top sexual experience for some women. Try stimulating yourself to orgasm while you're playing with your anus &mdash you'll likely feel your sphincter muscles contract around your toy, and that can feel amazing!
• Partner Play. It's important to keep in mind that when having partnered anal intercourse, the receiving partner should always be in control of the speed and intensity of the penetration (unless giving up control is part of your agreement, in which case you should already have a safeword in place).

Looking for a good anal toy? Try one of these:
Tristan
Wild Thing